Connections vs Friends

It's not what you know, it's who you know, right? So everyone runs around Hollywood trying to build CONNECTIONS. I think we need a little more than "connections". I don't like the word and am trying to get it out of my head. For me the connotation is of trying to build a relationship with a person in order to use them. I don't like using people, or being used, and neither should you.

You probably don't, and I think this is a big reason why writers don't like to talk. They feel the pressure of the subtext of the conversation with any industry professional - you have something I want/need, please, please like me so you'll give it to me!! This kind of mindset smacks of desperation and manipulation. It's a relationship built under a false pretext, and no one wants to be seen as desperate, manipulative and false. So how do you build "connections" and stay true to yourself (and others)?

Easy - forget "connections". Make FRIENDS. No, I'm not saying run out and buddy up to anyone and everyone in the biz. I'm not saying invite them home to meet the family, crash their birthday party or offer to pick their kids up from school (you'll soon turn into a "friend with restraining order").

What I am saying is, if you meet someone and can hit it off on a personal level - WITHOUT careers being in the conversation, chances are, you'll be looking at that person as someone who's company you enjoy. Someone you can connect with on a personal level, a level of honesty, not just a business opportunity.

If you genuinely don't like or respect someone but you think they can help you with your career, stay away. This is not a friend. It is a connection, and connections come and go depending on if you have something they want, or not. They're not dependable, and sooner or later you'll be let down. Is that the best use of your time and energy?

But friends stick around. Friends are willing to help when they think they can or are inspired to do so. They contact you just to say "hi", wish you well, happy birthday, go out for drinks, whatever. But if they're someone you genuinely like and the feelings are reciprocated, you'll soon find yourself surrounded by steady, dependable relationships based on more than just opportunism and business. That's personally fulfilling, isn't it? Life enriching. And career enhancing. And it takes all the fear and intimidation out of those quasi social/business relationships. So stop cultivating connections. Start making friends.

PS - look at the personal/business relationships of all the filmmakers you admire - you'll soon see a pattern: people work with the same people over and over again. Why? Because not only do these professionals enjoy relationships with others who are proficient in their fields, but they also happen to be people they genuinely like being around and share similar mindsets.